Reflections

What a busy year we had. All I can say is I"m glad it's almost over. I started 2009 with lots of ideas about getting organized, being debt free, simplifying my life by years end, but I spent most of the year angry, hurt, not trusting people, feeling depressed and just not liking my attitude towards Frank and my kids.

2008 ended with my trust in Frank being tested/broken. I doubted his love for me and even though he told me repeatedly that he loved me I couldn't believe him, wouldn't believe him. He hurt me and I wanted to make him pay for that. In the end it just turned me into a very unhappy person. To be honest I hated who I was becoming. My marriage is everything to me and I couldn't handle having its strength tested. Of course this anger
and hurt carried throughout 2009. I tried over and over to be forgiving and trusting of Frank, but it took me almost all year to get to the point where I could feel that I could trust him again. I hate feeling this way. I know he loves me and he wouldn't do anything to hurt me.

In March Andrew told me that he and Sarah(his girlfriend)were planning on moving to Boston sometime during the year. He wanted to go to attend school at Northeastern University. What???... my baby wants to leave home....lol Actually, he moved out of the house at the end of 2008, but he was still living in town. This time he wants to move across the country. I was sad, but I knew I had to let him grow. So I'm thinking school starts late Aug/early Sept I'd have him home for another 5 months or so. In May he told me they bought plane tickets to Boston and were leaving July 4th. Ok, so one month earlier then I thought. It didn't really hit me until I told Frank they bought tickets and he asked how many days they would be in Boston. Uh, they aren't coming back. The tickets are one way.

I drove Andrew and Sarah to the airport in Phoenix about 11:00pm July 3rd. I didn't cry when I said goodbye to them. I knew Andrew woildn't want me to cry. Let me tell you it was a long drive home. I cried the whole way back. I'm so proud of Andrew and Sarah. They have good jobs, finally signed a lease for an apartment and seem to be very happy in Boston. I miss him so much, but I know this is a great time in his life. What a learning experience. Now his friend Alex told Rachel that they are planning on going to Europe. What???...across the country is one thing, but going to another country, another continent. Ok, I'm not going to worry about that yet.

2009 was a tough year for Rachel. She had her heart broken for the very first time in January. She didn't know how to deal with this, but kept her pain hidden until it all came to a head in late July. She got into some trouble and ended up at a behavioral center for almost a week. These were 2 of the longest, most heart-wrenching weeks for me as a mother. Now after being in counseling since August, Rachel is doing wonderful. I still worry about her, but as her mother I know I'll always worry.

Rachel will be 16 in Feb. and is anxious to drive. She started working at Denny's as a hostess and a coupole of months ago started waiting tables. She makes really good tips and is saving her money for a car. She is dating s guy named Travis, who seems to be really good for her.

Rebekah is still our future veterinarian. She is growing up and is a beautiful girl. She has such a love for school and soccer.

Matthew is Matthew....lol. He's very much into video games, pokemon, webkinz. He could do without school, except for his friends.

Jadon has grown so much during the year. He turned 2 in August and is all boy. He's into everything, loves being outside, loves being the center of attention....who wouldn't....lol....and loves his mommy. Of course he loves his daddy too, but you can tell I'm still the center of his world :D

I started delivering newspapers for the Arizona Republic in May. I took over Sarah's route since she was getting ready to move. This has been such an experience. Getting up at 1:30 am everyday if finally wearing on me. I started delivering papers to earn extra money, but also so I could stay home with the kids.

In September, I enrolled in a tax preparer class through H&R Block. I really enjoyed the class and applied for a job with H&R Block. I start work next week. Big change from wanting to stay home with my kids, but I believe this will be good for me. I'm nervous about going back to work. Sure delivering papers is work, but once I fold my papers I deliver them alone. Doing taxes, I'll be working with people all day.

The best part is I'm not doing childcare anymore.....WooHoo!! I was so ready to give that up. I did childcare for almost 10 years. Frank and the kids are very happy too. We finally have our home back. lol

Frank is still driving taxi and still thinking about doing something else. This December marked his 20th year driving taxi. He stressed alot lately about finances, but I keep praying for him. He's such a good man.

So even though there was a lot of sadness and hurts in 2009, we did manage to have a great year. If that makes any sense.

I'm praying 2010 is a much better year. Praying for our finances, good health and safety. All we can do is take 2010 one day at a time.

Happy New Year!!