Starting Over

Well so much for staying up to date with my blog. Life got so busy with my new job and H&R Block, delivering newspapers, dealing with kids and finding time to spend with Frank. It got so crazy that I found myself just finding time to catch up in sleep.
I was coming home from delivering papers to get kids up for school and sleeping for an hour, then taking kids to school and driving to Flagstaff to work all day. I would come home and hardly have any time with my family before falling into bed exhausted
and trying to sleep a couple of hours before it all started again.

I knew I had to make some decisions about work when one day I mentioned to Rebekah that she would have to take care of Jadon until Rachel got out of work. Rebekah started to cry, which made me feel bad. Jadon can be such a handful at times and I know it stresses her to watch him. Also having Matthew home at the same time, I know it's not easy. On another day Matthew told me he wished I didn't have to be gone all day. The kicker though was one day getting up to leave for work and Jadon was still sleeping. When I came home that night, he was back in bed, sound asleep. I left the next day and he was sleeping. I came home that night and you guessed it...he was asleep. I didn't get to see him until the next day only because I didn't have to work. But I was the one who needed to sleep.

I love spending time with my kids and not being able to interact with them like I use to has been real hard for me. I knew it was going to be hard on everyone when I took the job with H&R Block, but I didn't think I'd have such a hard time.

So I made the decision to leave H&R Block. I enjoyed working for them, but I'm need here at home. I need to be with my husband and kids also. They are my driving force, what keeps me going. Also my house was becoming such a mess....lol I couldn't handle how unorganized and dirty my house was becoming. I never had time to spend with my family, clean my house, cook meals, have computer time, read, or anything...it was all about work and sleep.

I am still delivering newspapers, but that's during the wee hours of the day and I'm home for the kids. You may ask why I didn't give up the newspapers and stay with H&R Block. Well the job with H&R Block is only seasonal during tax season, where as delivering papers is ongoing.

I believe I made the best decision for myself and my family. The kids are much happier, I'm much happier. Not sure about Frank though because he doesn't like all the miles I put in the van delivering papers, but I figure if I only kept the job in Flagstaff I would be putting the same amount of mile on the van anyway. I'm sure he is or he will be happy with my decision once he sees how much happier we all are.

I can always take more classes with H&R Block in the fall and reapply with the company, but hopefully get hired closer to home.

So now I need to start organizing/cleaning my home, keeping my blog updated, and enjoy being with my family.

I truly believe I'm suppose to be home and this really feels like I'm starting over.

What am I thinking?!!!

I found out today that I start work on Tuesday. Yep, in 3 days!! I'm so excited, but so nervous at the same time. I'm questioning myself now even though I know everything will be fine.

How am I going to keep the house clean? What about my organizing the house? Who's going to take care of the kids? Okay, I know Frank will be home, but still....who is going to take care of the kids?!!! LOL

Monday evening we have an office meeting so I should find out my schedule then. This means I have 2 days to clean the house, update my poa, arrange carpool, buy groceries, finish laundry, organize my tax books and arrange my weekly schedule, and spend time with Frank and the kids. I'm exhausted just thinking about all of this.

Thankfully tax season is only through April so for the next 4 months I'll be relying/living on prayer.

First week of the year.

This is the end of the first full week of 2009 and already it's been a bust.
I haven't done a very good job at accomplishing any of my goal. Actually I am reading my bible daily and spending more time in prayer. Which is a big improvement from the past, but all other goals, I haven't even tried to do anything about.

I really need to get back to having a daily list of chores and tasks to do. having the list is the easy part, it's actually doing everything on the list that is the hard part. Mostly because I procrastinate or find excuses not to do things.

Frank and I have had a rocky start to the new year and that makes it hard to get things done. Mainly due to some depression on my part. There has been a lot of stress and tension in the past 5 or 6 months between us and we are finally trying to deal with it, but of course emotionally it's hurts which only adds to any depression I have.

I'm trying not to spend a lot of time on the computer when Frank is home, but to spend more time with him. Of course I'm not cleaning much while he is home. Just doing the basic stuff and not any extra cleaning.

Having my daycare kids isn't helping either. I have one that cries all day long when he is dropped off. He wants me hold him all day. Which I can't do obviously. I've talked to his parents and grandmother about this, but they say it's because he's sick and isn't feeling good. I told them no it's started the very first day they started bringing him to me. Then another little boy cries because he wants to eat all the time and I won't feed him all day long. He gets his snacks and lunch with all the other kids. I am grateful for my daycare kids being here so that I can be home for my own kids otherwise I would have to get a job, but I'm beginning to lose patience with some of the kids.

Another reason I think I'm not getting anything done is because my daily to do list or poa is very detailed and long. When I see it I feel overwhelmed. Starting Monday I'm going to work in one room (and only one room) a day. If I break my list down into daily areas instead of printing the whole thing out then maybe it won't seem so overwhelming at least until I get routines established. I can also add PDC and FBB stuff which usually doesn't take to long to complete. I haven't started PCCX and I don't know if I even will do anything towards it this round. I'll see how the week goes.

My life right now is just overwhelming. I need to spend time with Frank and our kids. Then there are the kids activities---soccer, basketball, youth group, scouts, as well as school. I have daycare kids daily. I need to take care of the house daily. Where is MY time. I have very little me time or I'm made to feel guilty if I do anything for myself. Everyone acts like the world will end if I leave the house for a few hours by myself.

I better stop now because I feel myself beginning to ramble. I'll never stop if I start that.

Oh yeah, Jadon is driving me crazy because he doesn't say mama or mommy. He calls me Net because he hears the daycare kids call me that. I keep telling him my name is mama and he just laughs. He is such a cutie, but I wish he would call me mama. He calls Frank dada and really means it, but I'm Net.